It has come to my attention that there is a totalitarian regime operating in the Olympic park, with a zero tolerance policy on any form of branding that has not been permitted by the sponsors.
When I see a system of oppression, I get an urge to rise up and fight it. I have to say that I don’t often give in to such urges and what makes me rise up to fight the power tends to be for the small victories, such as getting money off on rail fares.
But this has given me an idea, and that’s where you and your money come in. Any by ‘you’, I don’t mean my average reader, I mean ‘companies with money and wanting some publicity’.
Now, normally I am deadly opposed to endorsing any kind of brand, although I can’t say I have ever been asked. But in this case, I am willing to fight fire with fire. And just for clarification, I don’t literally mean fire, I mean advertising. I also need money for Edinburgh Fringe.
So, here is my idea. If any company is willing to pay me enough, I will walk around the Olympic Park in east London, decorated in the paraphernalia of a brand of your choosing. I will not be breaking any criminal law, but it will be of great irritation to the moneymen and corporate whores.
I will start the bidding at £500 and haven’t thought it through particularly well, so don’t know if it is actually doable. But as I leave London on the 3rd of August for three weeks, there isn’t much time.
Anyway, resuming usual business, I had my penultimate gig before Edinburgh last night. There were 20 comics performing and three audience members; I was on towards the end of the night when the audience were tired, at the end of a sweltering day. I also wasn’t very good, so it obviously didn’t go very well.
The highlight was an audience member called Messy Steve from Brighton, who had clearly consumed a lot alcohol and a load of other substances. He got up on stage at one point to promote his art website. And for £500, Messy Steve, I will dress in promotional materials and promote your website in the Olympic Park.