Aussie immigration rules

Australia’s strict immigration laws have been in the news this week. No one who’s ever been there should be surprised, as the authorities certainly make you put in the work to get in there. And by work, I mean filling in various forms. Admin is work.

I was actually in Australia exactly two years ago, no doubt complaining about how darn hot it was. Before the dark times, before Covid. And unlike a famous tennis player, I successfully avoided any issues with immigration. I achieved this by firstly filling in the forms myself; and secondly, by providing the correct information.

The Aussies don’t mess about when it comes to immigration, apart from seemingly this week when one or two balls have been dropped. The list of what you can’t take into the country is worded so strongly that it made me paranoid about whether I was actually breaching biosecurity laws without knowing it.

In 2007, I was staying in Australia for a total of one night on my way to an ill-thought-out trip to New Zealand. One of the rules said something about not taking footwear into the country that is contaminated with soil from farmland. Because the trainers I was wearing had some very small traces of mud on and I live near farms, I decided that I needed to declare it. So I spent probably the better part of an hour queuing. I got to the front of the queue and explained to the official there about my shoes.

I was expecting half-expecting him to call in the heavies, an alarm would go off, there would be red lights flashing and I’d be taken into detention. Or at the very least, my shoes would be taken away from me. But the official just nonchalantly shook his head and waved me through. The moral of the story is if you’re going to Australia then maybe plan the trip a bit better and don’t be a dick about it when you’ve cocked up.

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